Final draft:
As a busy student, I’m as likely to bank at 3am as 3pm. With online banking and ATMs everywhere, it’s all up to me.

Original draft:
As a regular LSD user with rubber spikes for arms, I’m as likely to bank at 3am as find the secret meaning behind these hammers of meat. With little spiders and skeletons everywhere, it’s all up to the giant talking wasp in the bathroom.

Thanks to Scott! Original lives here!