It would appear that Paula Deen is now employing a pageant retoucher for her magazine covers.
Thanks to Lauren! More alarming makeup-gun-set-to-hooker Photoshoppery here!
Paula Deen: Is Your Mother Home?
It would appear that Paula Deen is now employing a pageant retoucher for her magazine covers.
Thanks to Lauren! More alarming makeup-gun-set-to-hooker Photoshoppery here!
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Eek
Except that they forgot to do that neck that looks like Peter Stringfellow's foreskin.
Otherwise, very nice work.
[gag]
After accidentally falling face-first into the Uncanny Valley, Paula Deen puts on a brave smile for the latest issue of her magazine.
Man, it's like a special Real Doll: Extra Stick O' Butter Edition.
wv: chiesi
Why yes, yes it is.
Wow...the link to the photo contest winner is just terrifying. I have never seen such a horrible collection of plastic looking people in my entire life. It's worse than a Botox catalog.
Simpsons ref FTW!
wv: mattes
Those EYES!
The eyes are really weird...and so is the plasticky frosty smile. Her face looks too unnatural.
For some reason, my mind wants to accompany that front page with a "WheeeeeEEEeeeeEEEEEeee" noise.
Holy..
The mag cover was bad enough, but those pageant shots were plain scarey, especially if the age categories are in months. Poor kids
Pretty bad - check out those Cloroxed teeth.
Some of those pageant photos look horrible. Seriously.
And this.
Christ put it out of it's misery.
The poor beast has chronic cataracts and has seemingly jabbed its hand/claw into a tray of food.
Peter Stringfellow's foreskin... proper LOL.
Ow my eyes are trying to jump out of my head after looking at those "contest" photos. What's with the disturbingly huge glassy doll eyes? That's just downright creepy.
Take me to your leader.
My roommate and I have a running joke that Paula Deen has been replaced by an animatronic robot. I wonder if you can Photoshop deadness into your eyes...
OMG THE EYES! THE EYES! SCREEEEEEEE!
Those eyes!!! My eyes!!!!
And if those pageant shots weren't labeled, I would have pegged them for a doll catalog. Seriously, are those actual human children??
Why can't people just age with style? -So pathetic! :(
On the pageant retouchers: What makes a parent decide to photoshop their still-very-young child's photos, with the aim to make them easier on their eye? Are they really thinking "sure, my baby's beautiful, but she'd be even prettier with MASSIVE, UBER VIVID GLISTENING MANGA EYES and WHORISH LIP COLOUR (WITH ADDED POUT)!!"?
I mean seriously, how sick are those people? And who exactly visits a site like that? I'm feeling more than a little disturbed by the whole thing. Oh yeah, and the actual disaster is pretty horrific.
OMG! Alien body snatcher babies!
And she always looks like that, it's really weird. Are her teeth completely fake, or are they just always photoshopped?
1. Take a cooking star whose entire image is centered on being grandmotherly.
2. Poorly photoshop her in an attempt to make her look younger.
3. ????
4. Profit!
"hi yall! im paula dean, WTF IS UP WITH MY EYES????"
Madame Tussauds CAN DO THAT
The rest might have been passable if they didn't mess up the eyes. Looking on Google images, it looks like they washed out her eyes relative to other images on the web. The same goes for her face too though.
I know it's hard to get past the face, but I'm more concerned about the length of her fingers if she is really holding the platter...
*cries out in horror*
What's always disturbed me about Paula Deen (besides numerous PhotoshopDisasters of her) is the fact that she never *really* smiles for photos—it's always teeth only and dead doll eyes.
*shudder*
She's a robot from Stepford
guys, they were just "decorating [paula] with tropical color"
Those pics on the pageant photo contest site are almost as horrible as having children participate in actual beauty pageants.
Well, it IS nearly halloween....
there seemed to be one child in the pageant pics who hadn't been photoshopped into some warped Stepford version of a real human. I wonder if that was a mistake or a protest?
English is not my native language. Again I am reminded that there are nuances of the English language that escapes me, like this magazine: Even though is says "cooking" it is really about wearing die cast face masks, right?
You know, like those you wear for the traditional carnival in Venice.
Please tell me I'm right.
look at the 11-14 winner (courtney), I will have nightmares from these lips..
Heh, my Firefox tells me:
"Warning: Contains unauthenticated content" when viewing this page.
Teeth too white, OK, but eyes too weird !
And that plate she is supposed to hold... XD !
I also like that the cover proclaims "Easy Garden Veggie Recipes" right next to her head, implying that the words are related to the image, and then in small print next to the tray it says "Barbecue Bacon Cheeseburgers and Crispy Ranch Fries". It took me a few moments of cognitive dissonance to figure out what was going on there.
The only one of those pageant photos that hasnt been retouched - APRIL 19-35 MOS (C) WINNER ... RAEGAN, she looks adorable!
Thank god my girlfriend can't do that...
I believe it is a make-up shotgun, and it's set to whore.
the scariest thing about the link is that you just know that someone somewhere deep in the interweb has probably published a photoshop tutorial on how to make your child look like that.....
I've no idea who she is but I think I can see deduce why she's so fat.
Maybe she thinks that replacing the capital in her name with lower case will somehow trick the eye into believing she is young and slim.
They definitely omitted touching up the skin on her hand.
wait... please tell me that the images on the pageant site are dolls. please. i'm 6 months pregnant and was looking forward to a daughter, now i migh have nghtmares about glassy eyes and plaster skin, if someone doesn''t tell me QUICK that those are DOLLS!!!!
This chills me to the very bone and burns deep into my soul.
Please burn it and send it to hell :P
Hello, I am your hostess Paula Deen, and someone put a double-stack of X in my coffee! OOO SHINY SHINY can I touch your hair? Duuuuude, the cupcakes are leaving trails!
c'mon, bacon cheesburgers with fries? it seems a tray of tasty heart attacks to me.
and you really need a recipe to cook a bloody hamburger on a grill?? is that a magazine for *special kids*?
nice retouch, btw.
That doesn't even look like her! What crap!
This is nothing new, unfortunately.
I stopped watching or listening to her a couple years ago for this reason. Her books, her magazines... anything that is able to be manipulated is done past the point of pity. Perhaps I'm a bit hard on her but anyone who goes this far to "look good" has problems. Besides, I think she's really a Yankee but fakes the accent. (kidding)
She's obviously a Freman.
http://bit.ly/V8BLx
Be fair - look what they had to work with.
Paula Deen goes Manga.
They had to retouch it because Paula had sauce and burger grease all over her face from previous shoots.
My inflatable girl friend can do that!
Fun fact: my cousin worked at this publishing company. No photo is allowed to be published of Paula Dean without EXTENSIVE Photoshopping.
Sadly, "extensive" does not mean the quality is of importance.
Oh yeah, Paula Deen, overdone, ho-hum. Ha, the line about the makeup gun.
Pageant retouchers...whats that?
...pause...
..stunned pause..
OhGodHelpMeMyEyesMyEyesNOItCanNotBe.
I need a priest.
I will never sleep again.
Can't you just give that whole website a not in the PsD Blog? Like screen capture it or something?
What has been seen can not be unseen
The shot is of her facing straight at us, but her mouth is crooked, as if it was shot at an angle.
Her teeth are crooked also. You can see way back in her mouth on the left side, plus lack of lip.
Wow.
Every issue of that magazine could be on this site.
OK, I should have heeded the warnings about those pageant pictures. I should *not* have clicked that. I literally almost threw up. What the hell is wrong with these people?
Lyn: knowing this fun fact, i'm rather sad :)
That pageant retouching site is the stuff nightmares are made of. Crazy parents pay hundreds of dollars to some crazy lady to make their 2 year olds look like Bratz dolls.
But... this must be real... Just look at her old hand holding up that tray at a horrible balance point. She must be strong.
The pageant retouching site is horrific! Those kids do not look human at all! Those eyes!!
I must admit, I was so intrigued by "pageant retouching" that I googled and found some amazing "before" and "after" shots. The after shots are unrecognizable, as you might have guessed.
Yikes, what does this say about the mothers who commission this stuff? It makes me think they don't love their kids AT ALL if they'd prefer a heavily retouched photo over the real thing.
The younger the girl, the more profoundly wrong and cruel it seems--
http://ny-image0.etsy.com/il_430xN.17296032.jpg
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3509/3817115453_f1f19fd146.jpg
http://media.photobucket.com/image/pageant%20retouching/yobo_photo/pageantBA1jpg2.jpg
http://f.imagehost.org/0793/xbtbutterflykissesban52109.jpg
Lisa - I love the last one. "Not over-done, just beautiful photography!" reads the caption on an entirely-painted Photoshop image that may, at one point in its life, contained a layer with a photo of an actual girl.
Looks like the photo went via that software that converts a photo into a cartoon, that I keep seeing advertised on Facebook.
Looks like the near-dead Glenn Close snapping her reflectionless eyes open underwater in the bathtub-scene climax of Fatal Attraction.
@Lisa
wow, on the first one they added a french manicure too!
(original pics are embarassing too, what the hell are those poor kids wearing?).
The last one just can't be unseen, it's a nightmare comp!
Holy Mary mother of..... The pageant pics.... I knew I shouldn't have looked but the ambulance chaser in me forced the issue, and here I sit with mouth gaping in shock, my left has formed what I suspect to be a permanent twitch and my bowels well, they're gurgling...
looks like they cut and paste the same mouth (and eyes) on her face for every still photo. And nobody's teeth are THAT white.
OK, the original shot was fairly freaky, but did you HAVE to link to those pageant photos? I won't sleep for weeks, dammit, WEEKS!
I wonder what's more scary? the fact that the woman eyes looks weird or the the food looks like it's been cutout from somewhere?
She looks scary like she is about to jump out and kill you with a fork
Please warn people before putting up links like that.
It was terrifying.
That whole "pageant retouching" cult is very disturbing. Where are peoples' sensibilities?? I refused a photo job once because the mom wanted her daughters to look like those Painted Cupies.
The first thing I noticed actually wasn't the prosty make up, it was how she's holding that plate. She's not even holding it from the side, so the whole bowl would slip out of her hands, not to mention she's got it on such an angle the food would have fallen right off.
The first thing I noticed actually wasn't the prosty make up, it was how she's holding that plate. She's not even holding it from the side, so the whole bowl would slip out of her hands, not to mention she's got it on such an angle the food would have fallen right off.
OK, you folks have no idea how really funny this is. For the past year or so, she's been a spokesperson for her dentist on a commercial that runs in the Savannah area. She brags about her teeth, and says, I swear to God, "So little Photoshopping done in my photos now."
OK, you folks have no idea how really funny this is. For the past year or so, she's been a spokesperson for her dentist on a commercial that runs in the Savannah area. She brags about her teeth, and says, I swear to God, "So little Photoshopping done in my photos now."
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