32 Comments

Cerritos Tequilaus: All Washed Up

Posted on 6 January by Vernon
Stumpy the Mermaid was quite disappointed to find that her disability merely translated into a human one after crawling out of the sea.

Having lived most of my life near a beach, I suppose I cannot relate to the obstacles that those who live far inland face every day when they decide to compose media which takes place at the ocean.  Whereas I would simply hire a gorgeous bikini model and then cart her down to the shore, dig a 3-foot hole in the sand, bury her, and start shooting, art directors who live in, say, Irkutsk, Russia, cannot afford that sort of travel and time expense, and are therefore forced to use software like Photoshop in an attempt to simulate their erotic visions of tropical seaside goodness.  Still, that does not explain why these same art directors insist on hiring Gyorgi the village idiot to be their graphic artist.  I’m guessing it might have something to do with there not yet being in existence a decent translation of the Quickstart Guide from English to Cyrillic.  Oh, well.

Thanks Dan. You can see the original on the Cerritos Tequilaus site. You can check out our red circled image in our gallery to see the marked up version.

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  • http://profiles.google.com/mike.reys Mike Reys

    Cyrillic is still not a language, it’s an alphabet used by a number of languages… something they’d probably get right in let’s say, Ирку́тск

    • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

      Off-topic.  This is Photoshop Disasters.  Snarky critiques of my debatable writing prowess should be forwarded to:  Springfield Middle School, Mrs. Dunbar’s 8th Grade English Class, Room 16, Springfield, USA.

      • Yo_momma

        If you bother to write and post it you should bother to get it right.

        • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

          No bother at all, truly.  Say, what’s the deal on this thread?  No more room under the bridge?

  • Waldobaby

    It DOES take a certain amount of talent to make breakers look miniscule and just two meters away. Maybe it’s because they cut her out with an Exacto knife.

    However, as someone who spent their entire childhood on a beach, this pose is entirely possible. The sand can indeed bury you just that way.  This is not to say the highlights and shadows and fuzzy butt are OK, just the sand wash.

    • ixache

      But even the sand wash is just a messy light brown tint area fuzzed around!

  • Guest

    Thanks for the essay. TLDR.

    • ixache

      You lost nothing, the writing is lame. I guess the new wise-ass writer may have some potential, but he’s still not out of junior high.

      Even though TIL that tequila is likely made in Siberia.

      • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

        “Lame”?!  I’ll have you know my English teacher gave me an A+++ for my satirical book report on “Catcher In The Rye,” which I entitled “Pitcher In The Pumpernickel.”  And BTW, they call it “middle school” now, so shows how much you know!

        • Marcy

          Where I live, it is Middle School if it is 6th-8th grades and Junior High if it is only 7th and 8th.  So, shows how much you know! 

          • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

            Grounding myself.

        • ixache

          See, I suppose you’re American, but me, I’m not. Speaking from a place where school systems vary about every 100 miles and the English language is not used in everyday life, I find it highly commendable that American Pie, re-runs of Saved by the Bell, regular news of automated weapon massacres, and reports of outlandish debates about teaching theory of evolution taught me the little I know about your school system.

          Anyway, taking heed of Waldobaby, I don’ want to stay a sniper all my life, and here is my totally serious piece of advice for you as a writer :

          As I said, you’ve got potential. You are already quite funny is some of your answers (“Grounding myself”, ha!). But you’ve got to:

          1) Be more topical. Nothing wrong with bringing in Russians in Siberia, but you should have ties-in with the picture at hand; tequila is not vodka, why should them Russians try and sell it?

          2) Be not so darn linearly descriptive. Here, you wrote a mostly dull essay telling in too many details your intended story, whereas the “standard form” for PSD is a short dialogue. Not to say this is the be all and all of PSD writing, but there is a reason for the form.

          Here you go, I you ever get to read this. Feel free to ignore me, or maybe even better, make fun of me.

          • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

            Please, stop!  Just stop…. you had me at “automated weapon massacres.”

      • Guest

        Judging by the lame repartee in the comments section by the “writer”, I believe you. He’s really trying way too hard. It’s kind of embarrassing to watch.

        • Waldobaby

           It’s also hard reading words from a sniper.

  • Guest

    The more tequila the photoshopper drank, the better she looked.

    • Bev

      Maybe we should all start drinking too… might help!

  • Synthprax

    Well, at least she had the sense to confront Obi Wan on some tropical paradise instead of Mustafar.

  • Bev

    Honestly, these are the types of PsDs that I LIVE for.  Hilariously awful!  

    Also disastrous?  Her bolt-on boobs.  But I blame her surgeon, not the graphic designer for those!

  • http://twitter.com/ctocopok — —

    how about the background being mirrored right below the dot in the “psdisasters.com”? the same mirroring is on the original pic. twice.

  • http://twitter.com/nicolesy Nicole S. Young

    I’m the original photographer for this photo, and I just had an OMG moment when I opened up my RSS reader and saw this! It’s a photo I took several years back for my iStock portfolio, the original photograph is here:

    http://www.istockphoto.com/stock-photo-3940675-beach-beauty.php?st=6b1d276

    • http://www.www.psdisasters.com Vernon

      I can imagine you did have an OMG moment. I hope it wasn’t too much of a shock.

      • http://twitter.com/nicolesy Nicole S. Young

        No, I thought it was kinda funny. I know what I signed up for as a stock photographer, lol :)

    • Windspear

      think of it as a badge of honor.  Like having your movie parody by Mad Magazine or being insulted by Joan Rivers.

    • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

      That’s a nice original.  Sorry it got abused by this GA.

    • Windspear

      So. Um… Are these self portraits? Do you dress like that every day? Do you like men with only one liver?

    • Stella

      Thanks for posting.  I thought they must have used a photo of a girl leaning over a desk or something and were too dumb to realize that they made it look like her legs were completely buried in the sand and alos explaining why they did a crappy job on the sand and the waves.  But now we see that the original photo had legs and sand and waves.  Why did they Ps it at all?

  • George

    If you go to the actual site, another great part is the Tequila bottle reflection in the sand???

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_L5DQFVHHBFI4PF2NWAP3RBJAHA kleenex

    Quicksand by the ocean, Quicksand by the ocean.

    That was the look the website wanted, but they did a horrible PSD job trying to do it.

  • Windspear

    Starting the new year off with some flesh disasters! Very nice Vernon.

  • Abigail Lovelace

    Well, the original version of The Little Mermaid had the mermaid actually turn to seafoam when she tried to be with her human love.  Notafail, just a sea creature in her death throes.  Unsubscribering.

  • CragAntler

    She may look like a “sure thing” but the talk on the beach is that this girl has crabs.