22 Comments

NIEUW: Monstrous Mitt

Posted on 19 March by Vernon
Arr-arr-AROOOOO!!  Heh heh!  Hello, kids!  Count Floyd here with today’s Monster Chiller Horror Theater!  Hoo-boy, kids, have we got a scaaaary movie in store for you today.  It’s called “Dr. Tongue’s 3-D House of Gravy!”  Arr-arr-AROOOOO!!

There’s a lot of frightening things going on here.  I mean, exactly what about this layout makes you wanna eat this stuff?  First off, it appears to be so thick and adhesive that gravity can barely pull it out of a fully tilted gravy boat.  Yum!  Then it’s served up to us by some Clive Barker minion named Igor in a petri dish nestled gently between the fingers of a balrog.  The only thing missing from this graphic is a lightning bolt flashing in the background revealing the silhouette of a castle on the hill.

 Thanks Anne and everyone else who sent this in! You can find the original in the “Libelle” weekly magazine.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=547419664 Mark McGehee

    They did a great job cloning out all of the gravy off the front of Igor’s shirt. Not sure how a guy pouring gravy on his shoulder is supposed to help sell gravy.  Oh, now I get it. When you want to pour gravy on yourself away from home, you can take along this handy little container.  Laws of physics, be damned!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Erik-Randolph/100001435562684 Erik Randolph

    The best part is how the arm in the back is somehow pouring gravy downward into the container in the hand that’s clearly three feet closer to us.

    • Waldobaby

      No, the arm in back is also coming forward, as is the gravy boat’s perspective too.  It’s all fine and dandy except for the photographer’s (repeat: PHOTOGRAPHER’S) excessive wide-anglism. Don’t blame the PS artiste.

      What is needed is a discussion of getting real genuine authentic glutinous gravy, from a goddamned plastic cup, made in Knorr, the land of salt and fat.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JH2RRLQJIKDZR6M6FEAKHTSLDM kruemi

         Nah, it’s really an “escher”! Just look at the size of the gravy. It’s barely bigger than the container the guy is holding in his hand… So it must be a bit further away. Ok, it is further up and therefore further away from the “lens” and the ultra wide angle make it hard to put things into perspective. But if it was really an effect from the lens, the stream of sauce would also have to get narrower and not wider further up…

      • LtPowers

         I suppose the fact that the gravy in the gravy boat does not have a horizontal surface is also “fine and dandy”?

        • Waldobaby

           Yes. One of the highly trained artiste’s premier duties is to tilt falling chefs back to a reasonably upright position. Gravy is not considered anywhere in that universally known imperative.

    • Stella

      Ever heard of projectile gravy pouring?

  • Andrew Bossom

    Now, if the title is supposed to indicate the company whose advert this is, “Nieuw” is Dutch for “New”, as in: “New! Authentic gravy!” The product is made by Knorr.

    On the other hand, if the writer of this article knew this perfectly well and was being amusing — as in: “New! Monstrous mitt!” — then just ignore me.

    Thank you.

    • Jshook

      It’s about Romney, silly.

    • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

      Yeah, err… you nailed it!  That’s exactly what I was up to.  The second thing there.  Kudos to you for recognizing my genius!  :^]

  • Cropper

    MMMMMM! Yummy motor oil!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_L5DQFVHHBFI4PF2NWAP3RBJAHA kleenex

    The gravy even looks fake, No way will you get a perfect pour.

  • Bev

    Oh my.  Oh… my.  I just…  I can’t.  Wow.

  • Tim H.

    This is plausible if the photo shoot was on a steep hill.

  • Steve Burnard

    Is it bad that I read the intro paragraph in Futurama-Richard Nixon’s voice?  HARROOOOOOOOO!!!!

    • http://www.www.psdisasters.com/ Scooter

      Not bad, but not accurate, either.  Count Floyd was more like a bad Bela Lugosi impression.

      • CragAntler

        SCTV rocks!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lightstriker-Stormyhahaha/1046633734 Lightstriker Stormyhahaha

    This happens in  Gitmo everyday.

  • Jugstopper

    My Mama’s gravy never looked like that! That looks more like a mixture of maple syrup and used motor oil.

  • CragAntler

    Praise Vleesjus!

  • Jan

    Haha thanks for posting it I made this picture :D

  • Yo_momma

    + one million for a “Dr. Tongue’s 3D House” of anything.  We miss you, Johnny LaRue.